Well…I suppose all want to know what I’ll be up to in this next year?
I’m not sure why, but letting everyone know, scares me. I’m taking a different path now, and I have no clue as to what is to come. (As a sidenote: This may be part of my personal journey with the Lord..) In this time, I want to remain so open to the Lord, come to Him and just enjoy Him for all that He is, who He is, what He has done for us, and because He’s worthy.
Have you taken a moment in this life of yours to reflect on how much He has shepherded you over the years up until this point you are in right now? I haven’t done much of that, but I need to. I can remember little things…but if I really look back in this particular sense, I have to say Thank You Lord, and Praise You! Because He really does all things well. I am constantly reminded that He does all things well, that His heart is good toward us and that all things are working together for good because we are those who love Him.
So, here’s what I am doing: I am staying home and not finishing my 4th term of the training. I don’t know who will be shocked, or who will think that I should remain or even, not remain…but I can’t care about your opinion because my hope and desire is that I am one with the Lord, and that this is His desire. I can’t make my own decisions, this has to be His. I’m scared, yes, because I don’t like not knowing what’s going to happen next, but I think He’s doing something. He’s definitely operating. Just because I’m not there, doesn’t mean I won’t get any receiving of His life in me. I hope many of us don’t have the concept that we need to be IN the training to receive His dispensing. We’re only in the training for a short while. It is there where we get the tools to be able to apply to our normal, daily, Christian living, when we get outside of the training. I love the training, and I will dearly miss it. Never in my life have I ever been able to be with so many lovers of the Lord, from all over the world to enjoy Him. This is a marvelous thing, to be in this type of setting, to be with these ones, and to make these connections that are eternal because we are all there for the same reason, and nothing, and no one can set up these people in one place all at the same time with so many differences, and backgrounds to be together as one such as the Lord. It is all of the Lord. Remember that. It is of the Lord, that we are where we are right now, it is His doing of where He has placed us. Are we those who remain so open to Him and cooperate with where He has placed us?
I don’t want the enemy to cheat me. he has no right to cheat me of where I am. The hymn that goes “On land or sea, what matters where? Where Jesus is, my joy is there” is very handy at this point. While being at home, helping to care for my mom, unable to have a salary job, but taking on a full-time job of caring for another person during the day, and cleaning the house, cooking, doing all these domestic things, may I be one who can experience much more of the Lord in my daily living. In the training, we are those limited by many circumstances, even in our daily living, we can be those who are limited. I’m still limited. But this verse comes to mind:
“We are pressed on every side but not constricted, unable to find a way out but not utterly without a way out; ” 2 Corinthians 4:8
Our way out, even in so many times of distress when we realize, again and again, that we cannot escape the life we’ve been given, (no matter how many ways we think we can try) – is only Christ. We have freedom in Him. Remain in Him. Do everything you can to remain in this One. To remain in all that He has accomplished for us, to remain in all that He is accomplishing in us, within us, working Himself into us. If we can do this, remain in our spirit, in this refuge, in this rock, then we are those who are unshakeable, we stand firm. We are steadfast. We persevere. Whether we fail or fall hard, which we will, numerous and plenty of times so that we can experience His grace and be filled with it again and again, at least, there will be something weighty, eternal within us, but it is only Christ. Christ expressed in me, through me, in my living, in my speaking. This is what I want, and this is what He’s after in us, so that we can be His corporate expression and His bride for His eternal building and dwelling, for His full expression, New Jerusalem, Zion.