It’s always a while before I write on here again. I have this particular fascination with a set of pens that I haven’t received a new pack of yet and feel like it’s necessary for me to have them before I can write in my personal journal (the one where you handwrite) and by the way who actually has time for that anymore? Not this girl…or so I think.
Anyway, I figured since Mother’s Day is approaching, I’d speak a little on how I just, out of the blue and spontaneously bought a new book, called “Motherless Daughters, The Legacy of Loss” – the book itself has existed for quite some time, but no one has ever told me about it until today. A friend, who’s currently on a trip to Europe write now, Facebook messaged me an article that the author of this book wrote a few years ago. Man, it sure would’ve been nice to know SOONER that groups of motherless daughters and this book existed, but alas, now that I’m seemingly moving on with my life, it’s high time I read this book?!?
And for the record, in case you were wondering, which you probably weren’t, and I’m going to tell you anyway, only one person, a co-worker, has actually asked me what I’m doing this mother’s day, since she knew about the fact that I’m motherless. I appreciate that she asked since she was the only one who has done so. It means that she cares. I very much appreciate that.
And, here’s an excerpt from the book:
“Mourning works like any series of cycles: One ends and a new one begins, slightly different from its predecessor, but with the same fundamental course. A daughter who loses a mother does pass through stages of denial, anger, confusion, and reorientation, but these responses repeat and circle back on themselves as each new developmental task reawakens her need for the parent. Say a girl of thirteen loses her mother to a heart attack. In the midst of the initial shock and numbness, she grieves to the best of her ability at that time. But five years later, at her high school graduation, she may find herself painfully missing her mother and grieving all over again. Years after this episode she may be back in the mourner’s role again, when she plans her wedding, or gives birth to her first child, or gets diagnosed with a serious illness, or reaches the age at which her mother died. At each milestone a daughter comes up against new challenges that make her long for her mother’s support, but when she reaches out for her, the mother isn’t there. The daughter’s old feelings of loss and abandonment return, and the cycle begins again.”
I am learning that even though I feel like I have stopped grieving – this is not necessarily true. I’ve experienced many changes in the last year and during the time since my mother has passed, and even though I don’t express much and I don’t cry when I think of her, and I don’t think of her as often as I did when she first died, there is still that need for me to have my mother’s support, and with every life transition, whether it’s getting a new job, having a boyfriend, wanting children, etc. she is not there to guide me, to love me and to help me through it all…there’s that sense, all over again, again and again that she’s gone.
I guess you could say, I’ve chosen to take care of my heart by reading this book to tell me that there are others, who completely understand, what it is like to be motherless. It is with you for the rest of your life. It changes you, it makes you a different person from the one you were before your mother passed away and when your friends and relatives don’t understand, at least, others who are in the same position as you though not the same age as you, do understand that change.